Hungary Day 2

Budapest is beautiful. 

Of all the places I have traveled, this is easily one of the most breathtaking cities I have ever had the privilege of stepping into. The architecture and history in this city blows me away, and walking down the streets here feel so surreal. I keep thinking to myself "this is where we get to be? This is where you have asked me to serve God?" Im definitely used to sweating it out and roughing it on all my mission trips, so this one definitely feels like I'm being a little spoiled. Its hard to fathom that in a city so beautiful there could be so much pain. 

But I know it's there. I know it exists. And my heart anxiously awaits the moment I will be face to face with it. I just keep praying the Lord gives my heart the strength to handle it. 

Tomorrow we head to Biscke. The city where the refugee camp is. And I have so many emotions and thoughts stirring around. I feel like the Lord is sweetly doing what He always does….preparing my heart for His people. I would be lying if I said it wasn't overwhelming, because it most definitely is at times. I've been on the verge of tears ALL DAY long just thinking about the faces we will see. The stories we will hear. And the love we will feel for those we encounter this week. I know the Lord is inviting me and my team into a story greater than we could ever imagine, and I'm choosing to boldly step in. Though I feel terrified to. Because I know the Lord is breaking my heart for what breaks His, and I know this is only just the beginning. 

Emily led us in worship this morning, followed by John with a devotion. 

And there are two things that I have been chewing on all day. The first is one of the songs we sang, because music is a big way that the Lord speaks specifically to my heart. We sang "Nothing I hold Onto by United Pursuit" and there's this part that says"

I Give it all to you God, 

Trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me

Literally I feel like Im constantly telling the Lord this. Mainly because I constantly feel unqualified for the things He has called me to. I feel like the biggest thing Him and I joke about are the things He asks me to do, because 90% of them I have ZERO experience in. (Like being in youth ministry, or becoming our church's Mission Coordinator, or leading people in running) And I find myself constantly saying, "Really God? That?". And the thing that I have learned is that obedience is a beautiful thing. When our hearts are fully surrendered to the Lord and His will, He may ask us to step into things that the world thinks we have no business doing. But He doesn't always call the qualified, He qualifies the called. And through our lack of qualification, He gets to receive the full glory. 

We're teaching English in the camp this week, and Im sure I'm not alone when I say I have NO business teaching English. In fact, half the time Im not even sure I'm speaking English. ha. But I know that the Lord is going to use everything for His glory. Even if its a complete mess (which I'm sure it wont be) He will still accomplish what He wants to through us. Because our hearts are surrendered to His will, and above all else we want these people to know they are deeply loved and cared for…..English is just the doorway in. 

Which brings me to the second thing I have been chewing on all day. Today we read from Mark 10 where Bartimaeus receives his sight. And the part that we zoomed in on us verse 51 "What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus asked the man. First of all the guy is blind, but when He heard that is was Jesus, he began calling Him by name. Though people tried to tell him to be quiet, he wouldn't. Im sure the crowd was crazy, and I imagine Jesus just stopping in the middle of the road when in verse 49-51, "Jesus stopped and said, "Call him". So they called to the blind man, 'Cheer up! On your feet! He's calling you." Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus. "What do you want me to do for you?' Jesus asked him. The blind man said, 'Rabbi, I want to see.'"

I imagine since he was blind, he probably stumbled to Jesus. And I so wish I could have been a fly on the wall in this moment. To see the interaction between Jesus and Bartimaeus. I think Jesus constantly asks us this same question, "What do you want me to do for you?" And it has been something that has rattled around in my brain and heart all day. 

What do I want Jesus to do for me?

Obviously I want the Lord to have His way. And to give me an overwhelming love for His people. But I think like Bartimaeus, my heart cries out "Rabbi, I want to see". I don't want my own preconceptions to blind me from the real thing. I don't want my expectations to distract me from what the Lord is really trying to show me. I want my heart and eyes to be open to see Jesus fully in each person that I will come into contact with. And to be able to love them the way He has called me to. Radically. Deeply. Purposefully. 

I cant really put into words the state my heart is in. Tender is the best way I can describe it. The Lord is stirring something so deeply inside of me, that emotionally I just feel overwhelmed. With love. With grace. With compassion. I have no idea what we are about to step into. But I know its going to be big.